When I was born in 1985, some relatives advised my parents to have another baby, preferably a boy. My parents did not listen to them and told everyone – “Our daughter is going to do more than anyone’s son can.” There are some who think my husband does not earn enough, which is why I need to work. My husband earns more than you can imagine. Today is the day, I am going to write -“Why do I work?” and “Why a woman need to work?”
Can you imagine your husband or male of the family saying – “I work because I like to work”? He works for the family. So if it’s not an option for him, why it’s an option for us?
I was brought up to be financially and mentally independent. I can’t possibly ask my husband for some dollars to buy myself something. It’s against my nature. I earn so that I can buy something I like and love.
Secondly, I prefer to be socially active. There are many times, I got to know about local events, fairs, stores and even special routes from my colleagues. I have a subjective conversations with many of them.
Thirdly, I prefer to be mentally active. There have been many times when a co-worker or my boss have asked me for advice or a way to solve a company problem. I feel accomplished when I solve those or answer them. I also feel dignified when I help a junior developer.
Fourthly, I have many topics to discuss with my husband. We discuss a lot about my photography, blog, and social problems. We also discuss about work issues while in the car. He sometimes suggests a better way of doing or solving those. This is one of the reasons I married a person with a background in computer science.
Lastly, I work for my parents. My mom and dad feel proud to introduce me to someone by saying she works at BostonGlobe, and not just that she is married to Matthew. Not only them, my mother-in-law also tells in her friend circles how accomplished her daughter-in-law is.
We don’t have a baby yet, but when we do have one, my husband and I decided to share the work. Even today, we both share household chores. I mainly do the cooking and some cleaning and my husband does the laundry and dishwashing. A baby is the parents’ responsibility, not just a mom’s.
My husband says that he has no idea how to deal with me if I was not working. To be honest, I am not sure how to deal with myself if I am not coding. I love cooking and photography as much as I love working on a software problem.
This is not to make anyone feel bad, but I am sharing my thoughts and views on women empowerment and my support for LeanIn (Lean In is a nonprofit organization and online community dedicated to helping all women achieve their ambitions created by Sheryl Sandberg).
Image Courtesy: Leanin.org
I loved reading this too & I completely agree to your viewpoint. It is also a very important factor in helping you stay abreast with the evolving technological and social world.
I’m a BIGGER fan of your’s!
agree 100% right on. Although it is both parents responsibility, things can happen, life can take a not so happy turn and at that time I should be able to support myself and my kids. I also feel that if I have chosen to bring kids into this world, I should be able to take care of them.
How true! I agree with you cent percent on this! 🙂
Thank you Nikita. Love and hugs
can’t agree more ! Being on our own make a whole lot of difference. I strongly believe in that .
A friend share this post of yours. I had similar thoughts / opinions until we had our baby. Following that my priorities changed, I focused all my attention on the upbringing of my little one. My husband is the only bread earner. Though I am unable to share financial responsibilities, I try to make sure that he is free from other responsibilities, such as, cooking, grocery shopping, making timely bill payments, doing dishes, laundry, school projects, etc. Also, being able to watch my kid grow and be able to spend time together feels wonderful. These feelings cannot be described. Since, I do share the responsibilities, I do not feel very guilty of buying something for myself that I need. I am not shopaholic at all, in fact I am very stingy, but sometimes I do shop stuff that is on clearance and that takes off some guilt. So, with my current situation, I do feel that women empowerment means that women should be happy with whatever they are doing. I am sure there are many other thoughts and definitions on women empowerment. Believe me, I had exact views as you have now. But they did change with time and circumstances. After all it is important to be happy in life. Wishing you happiness in whatever you do.
I know you said that this post is not to make anybody feel bad. But, I did feel bad. I don’t understand how you can make a statement – Working is not optional for women. Your post is geared towards financial independence of women. I decided to be a stay at home mother. I work at home all by myself and that’s the way I wanted to live. I do all the tasks without any help from spouse. He can peacefully work in office without being bothered or worried about other household responsibilities. I take care of kids and happily look after my aging in-laws. Is that not work, if there is no financial reward? If I am satisfied with what I am doing, is it not woman empowerment? IMO, women empowerment not always equal to financial independence. There are so many financially independent women who are not happy with their lives. Yes, by being financially independent you can shop for yourself. But, most importantly it may be the only support for some women in their life, in which case it is women empowerment.
First and foremost, thank you Vidya, for taking time to write this comment.
Yes, I support this statement – “Working is not optional for women”. Is working optional for your husband? Can he sit home and say – “I don’t want to work?” Why your husband does not share the tasks at home so you can work peacefully? Have you ever thought about that? Your kids and in-laws are not your only responsibilities, why your husband does not take care of them?
Vidya, working is much more than financial independence and my post emphasizes that quite well. I wish you understood the importance of working. I do have a name and people know me by Dolphia not Mrs. Arnstein or mom of xxx.
And have you ever thought about mishaps of life? No matter how much money he is leaving, what if something happens to your husband or whoever the bread earner of the family is (Even though, I will pray to god for his well being) – what are you going to do? How can you take care of your kids?
The problem is much deeper Vidya and I hope one day you will understand the importance.
Lisa, I know you very well and I understand your situation. I also know that you’re not against working 🙂
Now, you have made some more valuable points. And, I think you should update your post for the readers.
It’s not that I do not understand importance of working. I worked as a research scientist. And, I did say that financial independence is very important for some women, who have no other options. Why my husband should only work or why I should not work while him sharing responsibilities was given a thought. And it was a well-thought mutual decision of me staying home and him working. Staying and taking care of home and family was not forced onto me. Sometimes, our opinions and thoughts change with the circumstances we are in. And it is more important to embrace life and adjust according to the needs of the family. I did not want to strike a wrong chord here. Just wanted to let you know as a homemaker, what are my thoughts on being a full-time wife, mother and daughter-in-law, without any financial returns. I know many homemakers may feel the same.
Absolutely Dolphia! I support working women. I believe women should stand on their feet. But, I also respect and honor the decision of the individuals who decide to stay home and let the spouse earn, and this should be a willing decision and forced onto the women or men.
Corrected the error.
Absolutely Dolphia! I support working women. I believe women should stand on their feet. But, I also respect and honor the decision of the individuals who decide to stay home and let the spouse earn, and this should be a willing decision and NOT forced onto the woman or man.
I completely agree with Dolphia. Working should not be optional for any human being. Earning money to support one’s own self should be a necessity and not an option. Also, we are all educated and many of us have professional degrees. Why did we earn them? So that we can get a job and build a career. I know it is tough when a baby arrives and I will forever emphasize on the goodness of family time and how important that is for the kid and the parents, but a working mom can teach many things which a stay at home mom cannot. How will you be able to tell your daughter to chase her dreams if she sees you only as someone who gave up her dreams? It is not about being in favor of working or against working. It is about doing everything and sharing everything with your spouse. Like Dolphia mentioned, a baby, parents, household chores are all the responsibilities of both spouses. Why dump them just on the woman? When women choose to give up their financial independence, believe me, there is no equality. It falls back on the traditional gender stereotypes where the man is the bread winner and the woman, the nurturer. It actually pushes the human race by a few notches.
Vidya,
I wish you had read the whole article before commenting. I told about financial independence at the very first point. In my later points, I explained the other things. Working or not working is your individual decision, but women leaving work after baby or getting married is UTTERLY WRONG! I wish women understood it with a rational mind.
Sorry, to have hurt you in anyway. I guess so from you screaming word (Capslock). Delete my comments if you wish. As an individual, I just commented my view since you have a platform where readers can comment and express their thoughts. Stay blessed!
My Jesus Darling Dolphia, i am speechless what you has noted down and my view are same that i m working in my family we also all sister no son but really my parents too happy that we are independent and working Ladies , Hugs to you Sweety God bless you always <3
Thank you Linda
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Hi Dolphia,I chanced about this article after reading about the Plagiarism article you had written.That definitely sucks,someone copying your intellectual property.
This response concerns the women working article.I used to work before kids but now am a stay at home mom to 3 small kids.You are right,there is a sense of self satisfaction,confidence and accomplishment that comes from working and all women should get the privelege of tasting that.I would want my daughter to get that feeling too and not just be a mommy ,chef,cleaning lady like me.But as we know it circumstances arise and many women make the decission to hold down the fort as in my case.This shouldnt be taken as a sign of weakness or women loosing their power.They are making a decission in the best interest of their family.
3 kids is a handful and whenever I am overwhelmed,my husband tells me to put the 3 in daycare and start working.That way I wont have to deal with a lot.But even as draining as kids are ,I didn’t want to regret later that I missed out on those precious childhood moments.I can say-I was there for it all.the good and the bad,though I’ll say there are many times I was super tempted to leave them at a daycare just to get some peace and a break!
So it is my personal decision to be a stay at home mom.If I had more family support or help, I could think of going back to work .But I don’t.So this is what works for my family now.A time will come when my kids are grown and I will have more time to pursue my interests. Like you said,no one knows what the future holds,so financial independance is important for women.So i am always trying to find something that can do from home atleast for the time being.
I read about Vidya taking care of kids and aging inlaws.How many of us can put our lives on the back burner and do this? it’s a 24 hour job.She didnt have to do that,they are her husbands parents,but she still did it ,giving up a good job earlier.And this might never be raved about, like your mother in law does of your Boston Globe work.How many among us acknowledged or applauded her work?
It’s easy to say “Ya her husband should take care of his parents also and share all the duties,she should have gone back to work.She shouldn’t have sacrificed,she should have set a good example for her kids etc”-all the usual women empowerment dialogues, But we havent walked in her shoes,so it is not our place..,
My point is that ,no one should be made to feel that they made a wrong decission by choosing either of these roads- stay at home or working woman after having a baby or getting married.Both comes with its own set of pros and cons for everyone.To each his own.
The first step in Womens Empowerment is women supporting women in all the different decisions they make.I think that women not supporting women is actually what pushes the human race back by many notches.
Christina,
I read your comment and then I paused for a second before writing this reply. Before I reply, let me ask you some questions.
Why women are so prejudiced with these thoughts – “As I am a woman, I need to take care of the family.”, “I need to take care of the children.” etc etc.
Why do you think working somewhere is a peace of mind you’re going to relax by leaving your kid at day care and working? Does your husband think the same way? If he does, I can’t say anything. Working is equally stressful as managing home. Many women work and take care of kids – Do you think they go to work to get some time off from their kids duties?
Also think about unforeseen situations, what if your husband (god forbid) can’t work anymore – how are you going to feed the family? As their mom, don’t you have responsibility? Well women empowerment does not mean ‘Yes you’re doing great’ when you’re not doing something right. Also let me explain you something “do you think companies out there are sitting to hire someone who can have MBA from harvard even after not working for a few years? Well in real world they don’t. A few months of career gap is terrible – forget years. So it really does not work this way “I will work after few years, wheneveer I want”. Home of a working mom also runs, just like yours.